By Lew Sethics for News of the World.
Yes, Johnny Depp is still alive in spite of rumors to the contrary. It seems the body found at the Paris, London flat was not his, nor was the flat itself. And it wasn’t Paris, London, it was somewhere else, I don’t know where, far away though.
When asked to reply to the advent of his demise Mr. Depp didn’t comment, not being actually contacted by this reporter, who is on a tight budget, and couldn’t find Johnny’s number. But I did rent “scizzorhands” which I didn’t like.
What can one say about Mr. Depp that hasn’t been said a million times, besides the fact that he is alive, I don’t know. But be reassured that he is alive and well, well, as well as a Johnny Depp can be, I’ll wager. He made movies, we laughed, we cried. What else is there to say?
Some writers clutch at any straws to gain readership, and so write fabricated stories and kill off our heroes and loved ones prematurely and dramatically, only to have reality slam the brakes on their ill conceived plans when the dead guy shows up somewhere, all alive and shit.
So, until he really dies, this is Lew Sethics reporting from Paris, London, saying, Go! Go Johnny, Go! Go to News of the World!
Jonny be good.
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